Jack Handey’s crazy book of humor, What I’d Say to the Martians, is really, really funny. It is probably the funniest silly book I’ve read in months. I loved, loved, loved his essay “Lowering My Standards”, a monologue by a guy who is tired of always being the one who has to go the extra mile, the one who always has to be the first to show up at a party and the last to leave, the one who always has to drink the longest succession of shots just to keep a party going, the one to ask how much someone paid for something when “everyone is curious.” He laments: “Why do I always have to be the one who sums up what was just said or explains hell to the children..?” He decides it is high time he lowers his standards: “[p]erhaps I don’t have to wear the fanciest fanny pack that money can buy.” Perhaps not.
The essay about what Handey would say to the Martians is very funny too, a rowdy indictment of violence and aggression and stupidity. He is a man with a dream: “Perhaps one day a little Earth child will sit down to play with a little Martian child, or larva, or whatever they are. But after awhile, guess what happens: the little Martian tries to eat the Earth child. But guess what the Earth child has: a gun. You weren’t expecting that, were you? And now the Martian child is running away, as fast as he can. Run, little Martian baby, run!”
The only chapters of the book that I did not find laugh-out-loud-and-roll-over-on-the-floor funny were the sketches previously performed on “Saturday Night Live” and inserted here at the end of the book to make it go over 136 pages (maybe next time Handey can just use a bigger font and skip the rehashed sketches). Neither am I all that crazy about the “Deep Thoughts sections but I know there are legions of “Deep Thoughts” fans out there, so enjoy.
Jack Handey, you are neither profound nor profuse but you are funny and sometimes that is all we need. A good laugh. Other funny writers: Nora Ephron and sometimes (but only sometimes) Woody Allen. Jerry Seinfeld is only funny in the delivery and his delivery is great, so buy recordings of his work and laugh and laugh. His recording of Halloween, a children’s book, is the funniest thing I have ever listened to — and it is appropriate for kids! Steve Martin’s writings are funny and much better than when he is trying to be serious or real (for example,Shopgirl: A Novella is a downerella); Martin’s recordings are also good but not always appropriate for kids. David Sedaris used to be funny but now he is just too French-whipped to be funny.
Happy laughing to you all. Winter is waning and spring is on its way (slowly, slowly) and a few chuckles can ease us through the end-of-winter blahs.
